Conflict is natural and often unavoidable. But when emotion takes centre stage, it can lead to hostility.
We’ve all encountered unproductive, frustrating or infuriating situations. We know how they make us feel.
What’s often less obvious is how nonverbal nuances contributed to the problem. Take the way our facial micro gestures (specifically around the mouth) can project a sense of honesty or deception. Or note the impact of the speed of a person’s speech, an arrogant demeanour, or a poorly delivered thought or idea. These nuances could be the basis for a column all by themselves.
But today, I’d like to focus on how to navigate communications during conflict with a little more ease and flow.
Conflict is not always bad – sometimes it reveals a level of passion in a relationship (just so long as passion doesn’t become violent). Expressing strong opinions isn’t a problem, but insisting everyone share your interpretation probably is.
The challenge is that your experiences with conflict shape whether you become an avoider or a seeker. Conflict avoiders hesitate to speak up, missing out on sharing their objectives and losing respect. Conflict seekers aggressively push their agendas, often harming themselves. Neither extreme is effective.
We need to navigate conflict with balance and ease. Constructively handling disagreements is crucial for finding creative solutions to complex problems. It’s challenging, but achievable.
Here are six tips for navigating an emotionally charged conflict:
- Be proactive. Head off problems before they snowball. Ask: “How are things going between us? Is there anything I can do to make our relationship work better?”
- Don’t wait for conflict before establishing ground rules around respectful communications. Discuss how disagreements will be aired and heard well in advance of a problem.
- Whenever possible, don’t bring in invisible third parties. Be accountable for your opinion without feeling the need to add words like “we all” or “everyone believes.” This is an attempt to validate your point of view by appearing to have a larger group on your side of the issue. If those individuals are not physically part of the discussion, don’t include them.
- Keep a private disagreement private. Making private disagreements public increases the tension around the issues because people become more defensive the more public an issue becomes. When one becomes embarrassed or feels shamed, negative emotions are likely.
- Stop making it a personal attack. People respond best when they feel understood and not looked down on. Everyone involved in a conflict must be prepared to discuss the issue and all the emotions triggered. Keep the discussion focused on the problem and avoid making things more volatile through attacks on a person’s character.
- Generate multiple alternatives when conflict arises. Consider four or five options at once – even some you don’t support. Multiple alternatives help defuse conflict and reduce the chance that individuals polarize around just two possibilities – us or them.
Effectively navigating conflict requires a willingness to engage constructively and listen actively. By approaching disagreements with a balanced mindset, we can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and innovation. The goal is to foster understanding and find mutually beneficial solutions, leading to healthier relationships and more productive outcomes.
Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.
