Being successful has a lot to do with having your ducks in a row – or being congruent.
At a meeting I once attended, one of the organizers shared how networking helped him go from job redundancy to running a thriving business he loved in under two years. I could see why: there was something about him that made me want to give him my business.
He was congruent – that state where what you do, say, and believe are perfectly aligned. Congruence is a kind of deep honesty about who you are, and it’s incredibly attractive to others. It naturally draws people to you.
When I stopped working in my law enforcement career to start my speaking business, I assumed mastering sales and marketing was essential. After all, isn’t that what every successful business owner needs? I believed relationship building could only get me so far. Or so I thought.
Whenever I wandered into the business section of a bookstore, scanning for the latest bestsellers on making sales easy, I felt a bit queasy. Still, I bought a pile of these books over a couple of years (I can be a slow learner).
I assumed that queasy feeling meant I needed to push myself to enjoy learning these techniques. But one day, as I walked toward that business section again and the nausea crept up, a thought flashed in my mind: “What if my body is trying to tell me to stop doing this to myself?”
It was an eye-opener.
I turned on my heel and spent a joyful hour browsing fiction instead. When I returned to my office, I gave away every unread sales book on my shelf. The relief was palpable.
Our feelings can be powerful guides, helping us make decisions and recognize when we’re out of sync with who we really are. Personal congruence brings inner harmony, allowing us to feel at peace with our path and purpose. This sense of ease radiates into everything we do.
Without congruence, we feel conflicted, confused, and unfulfilled. To others, this manifests as agitation, insecurity, or impatience. We may not even notice, but we’re all drawn to congruence. Customers are more likely to buy from congruent salespeople, congruent leaders inspire us, and people fall in love with those who are congruent.
If you’re ready to embrace a more congruent life, start by identifying your values and making choices that honour them.
Your values – whether helping others, seeking security, pursuing freedom, or cherishing family and love – are what matter most. You might already know some, but others may take some digging to uncover. A helpful exercise is to ask what you really want and then explore what that will give you.
For instance, this is what I asked myself:
Q: What do I want?
A: A profitable speaking business.
Q: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?
A: Work I love and a good income.
Q: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?
A: Freedom.
Keep asking until you land on a core value, the foundation of what truly drives you.
Then, pay attention to your body’s signals. Humanity has spent thousands of years developing this unerring feedback system. That uneasy feeling when you pretend to love a gift you don’t care for? That’s incongruence – your body’s way of alerting you that something is off. On the other hand, a deep sense of peace and joy is a sign that you’re aligned and on the right path.
One way to boost congruence is by eliminating activities that create dissonance. The fast track? Do more of what you love. Let go of the rest.
When you focus on tasks that fuel your passion and discard the ones that don’t, you spend more time experiencing joy. This isn’t just great for you; it’s magnetic to others. People are drawn to those who are passionate and living in alignment with their values.
It’s all about having your ducks in a row.
Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.
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