My husband and I once headed out on a camping trip with some of our new Rotary friends. The weather was hot, we were supporting a great charity, and the river was perfect for floating along. I cherish such chances to do something a little different and just be in the moment.
When a group gathers in lawn chairs (and yes, we’ll be doing that again soon) with no rush to get anywhere, the conversation often turns to the topic of change. Whether it’s politics, relationships, or club policies, there are always aspects of change that make people feel a bit uneasy.
It’s fascinating how some people see change as a threat to be resisted while others view it as an opportunity. Traditionalists, or those who are more risk-averse, prefer established routines and argue against disrupting the status quo. On the other hand, risk-takers thrive in uncertain environments and view new policies as experiments that can be adjusted later if they don’t work out.
Sadly, many people lead uninspired lives because they fear uncertainty. Even when we achieve the goals we set for ourselves, we often find that we still feel unfulfilled, which can lead to depression, stress, and anxiety. We live in a world that celebrates creativity and individuality, yet we still crave validation and approval from others. We want to be heard; many of us long to feel special and unique. This desire for recognition is likely not what Martin Luther King envisioned when he delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech in 1963.
If we don’t learn how to navigate change, we’re going to set ourselves up for a lifetime of stress, anxiety, fear and doubt. That’s not an ideal place to live when the world needs us to innovate and imagine a more inclusive existence. Hanging on to past events or perceptions of wrong keeps us feeling victimized, not strengthened.
American writer Joseph Campbell said, “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin must be shed before the new one can come. If we fix on the old, we get stuck. The Hoarder, the one in us that wants to keep, to hold on, must be killed. You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.”
Life, by its very nature, is chaotic, non-linear and essentially mysterious. Stuff happens! And if we can’t embrace change, we may miss the joy to be found in unexpected places.
Of course, not all change is wonderful, and not all decisions turn out amazing. But growth will still happen. And we will move on.
So, if you’re struggling with resistance, take some time to mull over these questions:
1) What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail or knew that you would eventually succeed?
To quote Richard Bandler, co-developer of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), “Failure is only possible if you give yourself a time limit.” People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in a year and underestimate what they can achieve in five years.
2) What would you do if you knew failing was okay?
When you allow yourself to make mistakes, you open the door to greater learning, and that’s always beneficial. And that includes decisions that don’t work out as you hoped.
3) What would you change in your life if you knew that everything would turn out okay?
I meet many people who have stayed in situations that no longer fulfil them (jobs, relationships, lifestyles) because they were afraid they wouldn’t be okay if they moved on. But what if you’re occupying someone else’s dream job? I’ve told countless audiences that the only bit of science I remember from school is “Nature abhors a vacuum.” If you want to attract something new into your life, there needs to be room for it. This often involves clearing out other old stuff first.
4) What would you eliminate if you knew with absolute certainty that you wouldn’t miss it?
Learning to handle any change means making conscious choices about how you respond and what you do in the face of change. If you don’t learn change tactics, you’ll continue to struggle emotionally and energetically.
The successes you want in your life aren’t going to simply show up one day. You need to take responsibility for generating them. Perhaps it’s time to adopt my favourite word: next!
Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.
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