Whether arguing or sharing our point of view, communication is key to healthy, long lasting relationships.
However, learning to do it effectively is challenging. Understanding the different types of communication styles is a great starting point to effectively communicate in relationships.
There are four main communication styles. Each style will get you different results, but assertive communication is often the most effective for healthy relationships.
Passive: Passive communicators often believe others’ thoughts and opinions are more important than their own and do not share their opinions often due to fear or nervousness.
Aggressive: Aggressive communicators, on the other hand, share their opinions at the expense of others and in a way that may demean the other person in the conversation.
Passive-aggressive:These communicators may seem passive in the moment and do not directly address conflict but will often express their true feelings to others. When dealing with passive-aggressive communicators, you often don’t understand where you stand with them.
Assertive: Assertive communicators show respect for those in the conversation. Someone who is assertive will be honest and open without becoming hostile or offensive. Being assertive is a great tool to express feelings, needs and thoughts, and to increase self-esteem.
Key tips for assertive communication include being fair, clear and confident when expressing what is expected. Additionally, try to use relaxed, positive body posture and maintain good eye contact while expressing feelings openly and respectfully.
One way to express feelings respectfully is to focus on one’s own feelings and the situation rather than the other person. This can be done by using “I statements” instead of “you statements,” which help to diffuse situations of conflict.
An example of a “you statement” is, “You are always late and never respect my time,” which often feels like an attack. A “you statement” can turn the recipient defensive, shut down communication or escalate the situation.
Conversely, an “I statement” is, “I feel insignificant when my time is not respected.” This version focuses on the situation rather than the other person.
Practising this skill and communicating more assertively leads to healthy, long lasting relationships based on respect.
You are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, contact Envision Counselling and Support Centre to find out more about rapid access programs like walk-in counselling and Bridging the Distance. These programs accommodate both in-person and telephone needs. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1.
