ASSINIBOIA - In one version of the mythical tale of King Arthur, the young king is hiding nervously in a huge tree along his hedges waiting for an opportunity to see the young princess he had just become betrothed to. When he finally caught a glimpse of the beautiful young woman, he swooned, lost his grip, and promptly fell out of the tree.
Embarrassed, as she approached him on the ground, he quickly tried to regain his composure. Nervously, he felt compelled to explain himself. Like so many men in the presence of a woman they barely know, he struggled to find words. He began by trying to explain how he magically and mysteriously was able to pull the sword known as Excalibur from the huge stone, enabling him to be king.
He then confessed that he had never really wanted to be king, and that he had always been ill-at-ease in that role. “Not until I saw you coming down the path past the tree I was hiding in, did I want to be king. Suddenly, for the first time ever, I wanted to be king. And I was actually happy to be king! That’s when I lost my balance and fell to the ground. When I raised my head and beheld you coming towards me, something amazing happened. Suddenly, I wanted to become the wisest, bravest, most heroic, and splendid king that ever sat on a throne!”
Just one glimpse of his future bride changed King Arthur’s whole attitude and life forever.
Such a fantastical and far-fetched story, you say. But maybe not as fantastical as you might think. But wait. I’m getting ahead of myself here.
By the time this piece goes to press and you get to read it, Valentine’s Day will have come and gone for yet another year. Most men will be glad it’s over. But many women may not. Valentine’s Day can be very scary for many men, and it can certainly be disappointing for some women. So why then do we even celebrate it? That’s a good question - one that we shan’t even try to answer here and now. That’s a whole other topic for discussion, at a much later date.
I do, however, have some things I would like to say to just you ladies - some things that maybe you didn’t know. But first, may I say that I hope you received everything you wanted for Valentine’s day this year, and that it was picture perfect for you!
Now, for the big reveal … We’re men, ladies. Don’t ever forget that. We could live in a cold, dark cave, for cryin’ out loud. Wait. What? We actually did live in caves. Remember? As Neanderthal men, way back when. Or so we’re told.
Then again, as pioneers, some men lived in caves when the West was first being opened up and settled. Did you also know that men can go for weeks on end without ever having a bath? Or a shave? Or a haircut? We sometimes even dig and scratch areas of our bodies that would likely make you want to throw up. And we do mostly only the things that are necessary to survive.
So why then, today, do we men build nice, warm houses to live in? Take daily showers? And shave our faces clean? The answer is quite simple. We do it for you, ladies. There’s no other reason for us to do such civilized things! We do it, because we desire to please you.
And just like King Arthur, we really do wish to be the best we can be for the women in our lives! You may have noticed, however, there are a few things we’re not very good at.
We’re not so good at talking to you. We get all tongue-tied, nervous, and flustered if we have to utter more than just a few words or syllables while looking directly into your beautiful, mysterious eyes.
And we’re not very good at figuring out what it is you really want, or what you really like. We also sometimes don’t put in the necessary effort and energy that’s needed to improve our relationships. And we’re often short on understanding. Not such good listeners either, in case you hadn’t noticed. But there’s one thing we are good at – wanting, at almost any cost, to please and make you happy.
Most of the men that I know and am proud to call my friends, are good men. I am blessed to have so many of them in my life. They are honest, hard working, and faithful men of integrity that would walk on hot coals, and do almost anything, just to please their women.
I know there are ‘anal-pores’ and ‘scum-bag’ men out there in this crazy old stupid world. Always have been, always will be. I’ve known more than a few. And sadly, have even been one myself on occasion.
In conclusion, I’m truly sorry, ladies, that you may have encountered - perhaps even entertained - some horrible, despicable, excuses-for-men in your lifetime. Hopefully you will find that there are still a few decent men left in the world. Men who genuinely love and care about you and your well being.
Having said all of this … please be patient with us. We’re men, after all, and far from perfect. Being imperfect, however, is never an excuse for bad behavior. We can, and will do better. So don’t give up on us just yet. Hope lies just over the horizon. After all - look how far we’ve come already. All because of you.
We no longer live in caves. And we shower. Almost daily. So that’s something. All we really want is to be your hero - your knight in shining armour. And to be shown a little respect. Did you know that a man cannot live without respect? Just like the human race can’t live without love.
That’s how I see it, at least. From where I stand!
