I think I'd like to be Governor-General.
I have applied for the job on four separate occasions and have never even made the short list. I have since heard that those being considered aren't supposed to make applications since the selection process doesn't work that way. But I figured, what the heck, break the tradition go after the job.
Unlike the others, I'd really appreciate the paycheque that came with the office.
And apparently, those to be considered must have previously worked for the CBC. Well, I can claim that too. I cashed CBC paycheques in excess of $250 one year, way back. So as long as volume of work doesn't count, if it's just the fact you've been there, I qualify.
Let's face it, the previous GG job holders haven't lasted all that long. They must have been messing up one way or another. That Clarkson woman had it for awhile, but our latest, Ms. Jean is about to be ousted after a mere five years on the job. What's with that? GGs who actually do something have to leave after five while Senators, who sort of just hang around, get to keep their jobs for years and years and years. Aint' fair.
I realize that I haven't always been kind to Stevie, that Harper guy who apparently makes the recommendations, but I understand it's Queen Liz the two, who gets the final say in the matter of selecting the GG. As far as I can ascertain, Liz and I are on pretty good footing. She's never once complained about me and I've been pretty good to her too. OK, I'm no screaming rabid Monarchist, but I definitely like our system of governance. Even if it's a bit quirky at times, we manage to get the job done and it compares favourably with any other democratic system that is out there right now.
So QE II, how about it? I like dogs, even those funny corgis that you prefer. I come from the province that trains the guys and girls who gave you the horse you ride in parades. That has to give me another point. I've never made jokes about your kids. OK, maybe just a few, but not the bully-like jokes. Mine were always tasteful. I like your hats, even those strange ones you put on for that horse race thingy you have over there.
Although I've never met you, I've met your boys well, not really. I waved at them at the Calgary Stampede a few decades ago and they waved back. I realize that doesn't make me a back yard patio friend or anything like that, but it was a wave of respect and appreciation. I put all the sincerity I could muster into that wave Queen because even way back then, I figured I would make a good GG if you and your family ever wanted to give me a formal nod of approval.
I don't know the Duke of Edinburgh, but I know how to spell Edinburgh and I know the words to The Duke of Earl.
I don't want to appear too desperate here yer Majesty, but I could really do with this job. Being a reporter and stuff all these years has been a pretty good gig. I've done my share of writing, so I could whip out those GG New Year's and Christmas messages and little notes of congratulations and condolences like a damn.
Tell ya what, Your Highness, you appoint me GG and I'll even drive my own car. I may have to book a bit of mileage, but in the long run, I'll save Canada a whole swack of money.
I know that this Michaëlle is a pretty tough act to follow, so I figger I'd be a pretty good intermediary follow-up, sorta the bargain basement door holder GG until another spectacular selection can be made.
So how about it yer Eminence?
If I don't get the GG job, then you can just count on it that I'll be updating the resume around when that Lieutenant-Governor's job comes up again. I ain't going away.
I mean, don't take that as a threat or anything like that, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I'd really like to have that GG job.
Respectfully yours
Parksie
If you have a better job than being GG to offer, you may contact Park at [email protected] his temporary point of employment until the royal appointment is made.
